Why I still want to teach

What is it about the end that makes us so reflective about beginnings and middles? What is it about graduations that makes us so nostalgic and excited all at once? Why is it that no one ever warns you after that first graduation that life just changes faster and more frequently from then on?

It's the end of my first year teaching and my year in Bangkok, and oh, what a year it's been! It was almost nothing like I thought it would be, but despite all the trials, I think I am actually a better teacher because I grew a lot through my experiences, learning things about myself, my students, and about what does or doesn't work for me as a teacher. In 9 days, I will be flying back to the States...so far, only a bunch of applications floating out there hoping to attract an employer in the way of a job. And I'm getting married. Seriously, in the last 3 years I've had more changes in my life than the rest of my life combined. I returned from Cambodia. I job-hunted. I went into teaching. I met my husband-to-be. And I went to teach in Thailand. Now, in the next 3 months, I'm moving to Colorado, trying to find a job, and getting married. Everything's changing again.

I loved teaching my seniors this year. I loved being a part of their senior year and being on the other side, rooting for them. I loved reliving the appreciation they had for each other at the end of the year, combined with that weird excitement for not knowing exactly what comes next. And I loved realizing in the midst of this that I too am at a major turning point, but like them, one that I'm ready for.

Most of you know that I fell into teaching backwards. I had absolutely no desire to ever stand in front of a crowd of teenagers and feel their attention all on me for even just one class period, let alone an entire day. And even when I felt like teaching was something God wanted me to pursue, I couldn't deny to myself how much that scared me and couldn't figure out why none of my former teachers laughed in my face when I told them I was thinking of becoming a teacher. But at the end of this year, I feel even more certain that teaching is exactly what I'm supposed to do. Why? Because of my students.

I have some fantastic memories from this year: charades, the blind faith experiment, the "sheep thing", and of course, the unbelievable response to TSS. I got the opportunity to see students think for themselves, use their voices, and find their passions about stuff they were learning that's also relevant...and the things they told me at the end of it all showed me that it had meant something. An impact had been made. And that, above all else, is why I still want to teach; it's one of those few occupations that has the daily opportunity to change lives and make a difference. When a student tells you directly, especially in writing, that you did that for them, that's something you never forget.

Like Jonathan said at graduation, endings are also the beginnings of something else. I will miss teaching these students a lot, but there are a lot of good things starting for me. A thousand splendid memories are still in the making.

Cambodian Detour

Well, here I am back in Cambodia for the 3rd time in 3 years. Can you believe it's been that long since I lived here? I can't...and yet, walking around Battambang the last few days, to some degree, I found myself oddly amazed that I really had called this place home because it's changed so much. When I lived here, everything felt like some grand adventure, and I just went with the flow. Now I look around and see paved streets, a zillion hotels, and places where I used to go all the time gone and replaced. Yet, in the midst of that, I see so much that hasn't changed that I feel caught in the midst of some cosmic paradox.

Change happens...everywhere...whether you're there or not. Seeing old friends, meeting new ones, and wandering around this place reminded me not only how much Cambodia has changed without me, but how much I've changed since I left. Of course, if it hadn't been for Cambodia, I never would've gone into teaching, but even more than that, I was reminded how blessed I've been in my life. How many people can say they got to live overseas for a year, completely immersed in another culture? I had so many adventures and wonderful experiences over here, and very soon, I will get to start a new adventure when I marry the most amazing guy I've ever known. I realized today that I really have been blessed with the best of many worlds. 

I don't know what God has up His sleeve for me exactly in the months ahead in the way of finding a job, but this trip has been good at reminding me of all the ways He's provided for me in the past...even now. Getting me across the border, getting me to Battambang (after getting cheated) -- even the negative experiences have helped me get where I needed to go and taught me things along the way. I definitely have a lot of work ahead of me for job hunting, but somehow, I feel like it'll come together. Some of the best things that have come to me in life, I fell into backwards: Cambodia, teaching, meeting Adam.

I'm ready for what's next. It's new and different, but I'm looking forward to it. I got where I am now because of where I've been, and I guess it was just good to be back in one of those key places again before I take that leap.

The Scoop

Apparently, it's now been nearly 2 months since the last time I posted on this blog. Sorry guys! I really did think this would be a good way to keep up with me. But things have been so crazy busy that that just hasn't been the case. Plus, over Christmas break, I just wasn't thinking about it. After all, I wasn't in Thailand anymore; I was in the U.S. All that to say...

I'M ENGAGED!!!!

It happened over Christmas break. Adam flew into Detroit to spend a few days with my family before we went to spend the rest of his break with his family in Ohio. As it goes, Adam waited to ask my dad for permission to marry me until we were just about to leave for Ohio, and humorously, he barely managed to catch him. My dad had just woken up and was, shall we say, unusually attired. Long story short, Adam got the blessing, but the proposal didn't come till a few days later.

The Tuesday after Christmas, Adam and I were driving back from visiting some friends of his in Fort Wayne, and we came through a park close to his house on the way back. In the park was a little gazebo with a Christmas tree and decorated with a lot of lights. I happened to say to Adam how pretty that was. The next night, Adam asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. Now, going for a walk isn't an unusual activity for us, except for the fact that it's now dark and cold and I'm used to 90 degree temperatures in Thailand. But I agreed and we headed off to the park. By the time we got there, I could barely feel my fingers, but Adam said something about wanting to check out the tree in the gazebo to see if it was real or fake. I'm almost ashamed to say it, but by this point, I'd pretty much figured out what was going on.

Once inside the gazebo, Adam asked me if I wanted my Christmas present, and I said yes. So, he pulled this large white box out of his coat and had me open it. Inside was a smaller gold box of chocolate and a small white box. I opened the white box, but there was nothing in it. I looked at him and said, "It's empty." Adam went off on a dramatic, "What? I can't believe it. Don't tell me I forgot to put it in there..." paused, and then said, "Or did I?" Then, he pulled the ring out of his coat, got down on one knee, and asked me to marry him.

So, there you go. That's the story! It was crazy hard saying goodbye to him and coming back to Bangkok after that, but experience has taught me that this time will fly. So far, I've managed to stay really on top of things all week at school, no thanks to a canceled flight and lots of jet lag. But thanks to my mom, planning this wedding is going smoothly. I've already got a dress and several other things. I don't think I could do this without her. There is definitely a lot to be praying for, though, in the months ahead with everything that will need to be worked out, particularly for me.

Anyway, just wanted to share that excitement:) Hopefully it won't be 2 months before I post again, but I make no promises. Ha ha.